1 post tagged “famliy”
So I had this New Year's goal (not a resolution, those are doomed) to post more often. And I have had many thoughts about noteables in pop culture for 2009, but a month ago, my Nana died. I wanted to post about the Golden Globes, the return of 24, the Bryan Fuller curse and Pushing Daisies' demise, my confusion and repulsion regarding Jay "PrimeTime" Leno (excellent decision as always, Zucker). But I couldn't post about anything until I wrote about my grandmother, and until this week, I wasn't ready.
Two years ago, I was putting plans to move into motion when Nana was struggling with chemo for stage four metastatic colon cancer. I started helping take care of her when needed and my plans took the back burner. Partially by choice, partially not, it just kind of happened.
Caring for my grandmother during this time was not easy. More than anything, it could be emotionally draining. Her short-term memory wasn't good before cancer, but was nonexistent after "chemo brain." She couldn't remember what she had for breakfast, but could tell you detailed stories about her childhood. She was always stubborn, and that certainly didn't fade with illness. She often felt very lousy, but when she was feeling good, she always had a twinkle in her eye. She loved to sing, any song that popped into her head, from hymns to Sinatra to "Old McDonald." She told stories and had a silly sense of humor. She devoured potato chips and honey buns, but still being quite the lady, applied lipstick several times daily. As hard as it was watching Nana decline, as hard as life already was during that time, I am grateful I was there for it. I got to know my grandmother in a whole new light. We formed a new relationship, a new bond. After grieving for so long prior to her death, I'm now also grateful she is no longer suffering. But I still miss her every day. And I guess I'm grateful for that too.
After she went into the nursing home, we developed a goodbye routine when I visited. At the end, because I usually say "see you later" instead of goodbye, Nana started replying "alligator." It tickled me so much, I kept the rhyme going. She would always sing-song "crocodile" in a high pitch, and then just giggle at her silliness. Even on days when Nana was so ill she couldn't speak, I'd say it for her and she would smile when I said her parts. That rhyme will never be the same for me.
See you later, alligator. After while, crocodile. Farewell, Margie Nell.
